Today was the day we discussed what was taken out from the surgery and took the tape off of the incision. First of all, ewww gross from the incision. I do not do well with things like that. Each time a student comes up to me with some gross scrape, scab or bloody tooth, I always have to say please don't show me. I swear I almost fainted today when she took it off. But in fact I think I was having a HOT FLASH! Yes a hot flash at 39. The doctor asked if I was having them and it dawned on me in that moment that yes I am having them and in fact I had just had one! And I had them all last night. I had woken up several times in the middle of the night sweating so bad I soaked all the sheets. In fact for a brief moment I thought I had peed the bed. Luckily? It was just a hot flash.
My results: I have stage 3 ovarian cancer. The doctor gave me the results in all their scientific awesomeness which means nothing to me. In layman's terms it was everywhere. It is still all over my abdomen. The chemotherapy treatment I will be doing helps 80% of the patients. I am praying I am in that 80%. I will start in about two weeks. They want me to heal a bit more from my surgery, which I understand, but at the same point I want this shit out of my body. So the sooner we start, the better.
My treatment will begin with Taxol which will be for four or five hours and they will use my upper port for this. Then the next day it will be an eight hour treatment with something whose name I have forgotten at the moment and they will use my under the boob port for this. Then 8 days later I will do the Taxol again for four hours. Side effects will be tiredness, possibly achy like having a cold and of course losing my hair about three weeks after the first treatment.
The hair loss is something I have been thinking long and hard about. This is the one side effect that screams, "I have cancer!" I will lose ALL my hair. My eyebrows, my eyelashes not just the hair on my head. Now looking at it another way, I will also lose my leg hair and arm pit hair! That's kind of awesome. Plus as I get older I have noticed other hairs growing in places they are not welcome. So no more chin hair either WooHoo! I have to look at the positive side.
I am a girl who has really loved wigs for a long time. In fact the first time I met my husband, I was wearing a wig. It was just something for fun. Now it may be a part of my daily life just to go out of the house. Thebfun part is I can have several different wigs. One to match my mood. My college roommates know how often I liked to dye my hair so this may work to my advantage. I can be blond one day and a red head the next. I discovered in college being a ginger got lots of attention. I know it will not be rosy everyday, but I have to look to the positives.
Before my hair starts to fall out in clumps I am going to shave it off. I think it will be more traumatic to wake up with giant clumps in my bed. Then I want to get a henna tattoo on my head. I have seen several that people have had done and I want that to be my first move. I will have a wig ready too, but I want the tattoo first.
At the doctor's appointment today I only broke down crying once and it was basically in utter awe at how the cancer had just spread everywhere. Ovarian cancer is so sneaky you have to be looking for it to actually find it. Most likely I had it when I was pregnant and it spread possibly during the pregnancy. I am just so thankful we got our beautiful baby boys before this was discovered. I also break down crying whenever I think about our boys. I hope and pray I will be alive to see them grow up.
Well enough for today. It was a big day.