I had my scans yesterday! They were cat scans to check for any cancer that may be left. Here is hoping nothing showed. Next week I go in to hear the results and then work on the next steps toward keeping cancer free. As of right now I get to take part in a clinical trial for the Olaparib drug. This is a drug that is supposed to break the BRCA gene which causes cancer. I will find out more about the trial next week when I go in for my results. I have done a little research about the drug on my own, but of course most of that was written in doctor speak, so it has raised some more questions. It is something that I would like to do though. Even if I happen to be the placebo (I hope not though), I will be contributing to research that may help someone else someday.
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I have a picture of me with my nurses who were there from the beginning, Wendy & Leigh. Now they both assured me this last chemo would be a walk in the park. I will say I do not feel as bad as I did the first few times I had chemo, but it is no walk in the park these last two days. The day afterward I felt awesome! I went to work and even stayed a little late to get caught up.
Now Wednesday I guess the steroids wore off, I got sick on my way to work. So sick that I threw up into my tea mug because I was driving and could not pull over. Kind of gross, but really kind of talented on my part as well. I felt pretty good after that, maybe a little queasy. By mid-morning I was not so good at all. Luckily I only work until 11:45 (technically), so I went to mom and dad's and slept it off. I still didn't feel well enough to eat much for dinner though. Thursday, three days post chemo. I was feeling pretty good in the morning, ate a muffin even. We had a pretty busy first few hours of school, but the moment I went to teach a fun "diving" lesson I got very ill. I did my "diving" example with the class and I guess I shouldn't have. The bending over made me very sick. Luckily I work with great people and they were able to take charge of the lesson, while I went and tried not to be sick. I even had two co-workers drive me home because they didn't want me driving, which I suppose is a very good idea. I just hat e being an imposition. I also hate having to leave my class. Hopefully they can learn something from me this year! Even if they learn to just keep going even if times get rough. Just four days ago I was looking forward to my last chemo. I even wrote about all the questions I still had as well as all I was looking forward to. Unfortunately I have no idea where that blog happened to go and I was too tired to re-do it. I guess it was just a little foreshadowing to the next day. Last Wednesday I was so happy to finally be done with the chemo treatments. Mom and I stayed at Hope Lodge Tuesday night because I had an early appointment Wednesday morning. They took my blood first and then I had an appointment with the doctor. I was so happy to finally be having my last appointment, at least for awhile. They are not the most pleasant appointments. I made my way back to the infusion clinic and was all ready to take my last treatment when the nurses came back and told me that my platelets were too low. There was nothing I could to bring them up. I would just have to wait. This is something that happens quite often when someone going through chemo. So now I have to go back on Monday and hope my platelets are high enough for treatment. I also hope the treatment does not make me ill. I may be asking for a lot. I am starting a fun chapter in social studies and I really don't want to miss it this week. As I approach this final treatment I do have so many questions and fears. Will this really be my last? Will they find anything on my scans? Will this drug trial really help me? Will I get breast cancer soon? Willi have to have a masectomy soon? Can I wait? At least a year? The doctors want to leave my upper port in because chances of cancer returning in the next three years is pretty high. (They gave me a percentage, but I think my brain did not want to remember it.) I know the doctors want to leave the port in so they will not have to put another one in if the cancer returns, but it is VERY noticeable and my boys, especially Xander, hit it a lot and it really hurts. The doctor has also mentioned several times that I should get a complete masectomy. My brain hears this and completely agrees. Heck I am even all bout it. With reconstruction I will have nice perky boobs till I am really old! But I really want to enjoy next summer with my boys. This last summer was all about me recovering from the hysterectomy and the cancer. I just want to enjoy next summer with my family (and build up some sick days again). The summer after I will get the masectomy and reconstruction. I swear I will, I mean who wouldn't want the perky boobs? Especially at my age! Today I set foot in the gym for the first time in 10 months. It was almost hard to even walk in the door. Luckily I went at 1:30 so there weren't many people there. I did a whole thirty minutes on the treadmill. Mind you it was at 2.0 miles per hour, but that was faster than I was doing back in January at the physical therapist. I was actually able to walk with minimal back pain, but I could definitely feel the neuropathy in my feet. They became more and more numb as I walked. That was pretty discouraging.
After the treadmill I hit the circuit and did exercises that I had done with my physical therapist back in January & February. I had very low weights, but a lot of repetition. It was so hard putting the weights on the machines at such a small amount. I felt so weak. I had to keep reminding myself that I am basically starting from scratch. Even at my most out of shape I have never really been this weak. Six months of not being able to do much of anything will make a person weak. I was pretty tired after my time at the gym, but I decided to go another step and go to water aerobics class at night. The best part of that was seeing all the ladies from class. They are a wonderful, fantastic group of women who gave us money and even gave us gift cards for dinner out. They have prayed for us as well. And I believe all these prayers have truly helped. Being in the water is truly healing for me. I was able to stretch some of these muscles that have not been used in months. I was able to actually feel alive again. Hopefully as I gradually get back to an active life again I will be more fun for my boys too. All this activity today sure has worn me out though! I am exhausted so I am sure I will sleep well tonight. I have to remember to go slow and steady for a while. Today I had my second to last chemo at the new office, Lemmen-Holton Cancer Center near Butterworth in Grand Rapids. Previously I had been getting my infusions right at the doctors' office with two very wonderful and kind nurses, Wendy and Leigh. They had both been preparing all the patients for the last month or so for this transition. Stressing that they would still be our nurses and the infusion clinic where we would go would still be filled with women who had gynecologic cancers. This may seem odd to want to be with others with similar cancers, but I have found it so inspirational and healing. I have met so many women who have met this same challenge and are getting through with the help of family, friends and of course our wonderful doctors and nurses. The attitude that each person has is a bit different and I love that because I can see no matter what I can get through this. Today at Lemmen-Holton I met a woman who had her last chemo today. It was wonderful to hear her story and see her success. And hopefully I won't see her again. There was another of my fellow regulars there as well. It was great to see a familiar face among the patients. However this clinic was really different than being at the office. Wendy and Leigh did always talk up the nice things at Lemmen-Holton like the valet parking (really awesome), the "massaging" chairs (they really just vibrated, which was awesome for jokes), the chairs also warmed my bum, plus we get a $5.00 voucher for the cafe (which does have really tasty food), the view out the windows is fantastic too. But of course it isn't the same. There are a lot more nurses/helpers there. It is way more sterile/clinical (hence the name infusion clinic). At the office we had huge comfy/homey leather recliners to sit in and wonderful crocheted blankets to cover up with. In the clinic we get warmed hospital blankets, not awful but pretty sterile and the chairs are those plastic covered ones you find in hospital rooms. At the office there was a shelf full of books and magazines to peruse, at the clinic they can't have those. At the office there was a beautiful quilt hanging on the wall and fun little pieces of art sitting around. It just made the whole feel of the place comfortable and relaxed. They can't have any of that at the clinic so it is very sterile. The worst part though, was I hardly got to see Wendy or Leigh. At the office they sat right on front of all of us and could see if we had complications immediately plus we could chat when everything was going smoothly. At the clinic the nurses station was pretty far away from us and it seemed like I hardly ever saw them unless they were poking me. Granted I did fall asleep for part of my time. The choice to merge with Lemmen-Holton was a hard choice for my doctors, but they are both close to retirement and they wanted to be sure their employees would continue to have jobs in case they chose retirement sooner rather than later (So glad I got cancer when I did, because Dr. Downey & Dr. Harrison are FANTASTIC!). Plus with the new health care laws it is making smaller practices like theirs difficult to stay open. I do not know all the details of how merging makes it better, but I am thinking it has something to do with the hundreds of miles of paper work and constantly changing hoops that offices have to jump through for insurance companies. Plus the reality of paying for insurance for their own employees. Just a lot of different areas that made them make this choice. As I sat in the clinic today grading papers for my 28 math students I couldn't help but see comparisons between health care and public education. Not everything of course, but the mandates given out by the government, which forces these smaller offices to close and merge with larger companies. The care given to patients is not the same. The same happens in education, mandates are given by the government and schools have to jump through hoops for mandates but there is no money to do these things. In education we need to accept large numbers of schools of choice kids because that is the only way to get money. More kids means more money, but not enough money to hire new teachers. Larger class sizes means less attention on the individual student. I felt the same way today with all the other patients in the room, I didn't get the attention that I once got at the office. I was treated and everything was okay, but there wasn't time to build a relationship with the nurses because they were always so busy. (Luckily I already know Wendy & Leigh) I see the same for my students. When I had 24 kids in a class I could make more connections with them. With 28 I feel like I am so busy running around making sure most are getting just the basic concepts that I don't get to know them like I would like to, or like I used to.. I do my best and I know my nurses do too, but the reality is you just can't build good relationships with your students or patients if there are too many of them. Those are my deep thoughts brought to you by my chemo brain this first day of October. |
Heather Metz
This blog started as me just writing about the rehabbing of my home. However, life changed dramatically in the last year so I have changed the topic to dealing with these trials and tribulations instead. Hopefully I will beat this cancer and then get back to my life as a mom, wife and teacher. Archives
January 2016
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